Talking to Spirits in the GODZone 2018 Race

Chelsey Magness took a break from racing in 2016 and 2017 to give birth to twin boys, Max and Spirit B. Only one of them survived. This was her first expedition race since the birth and loss.

Photo: Chelsey Magness and Baby Max Reunite After 7 Days

Expedition Racing is hard.

It is hard on your body, it takes a ton of training, a ton of gear, and a well-oiled team. Not to mention that they take an awful long time to complete.

So then, “Why do you do it?” is a question I’ve been asked over and over again.

My answer actually changes every couple of races:

“I do it because of where it takes us, we see what few other humans get to see.”

“We get to witness the changing light and beauty of multiple sunsets and sunrises for days on end.”

“I get to work through challenges with in myself and my team.”

These reasons and more are why expedition racing talks to my soul a bit more than other types of racing.

But during my most recent race-- a 10 day New Zealand epic called GodZone-- I developed a new answer as to why.

Going into the race, I was super nervous. I had no idea how my body would perform or how I would be emotionally as a new mother, especially given that it was going to be the longest period of time that I would be away from 13-month-old Max.

I knew he would be fine, because he always was. We are lucky to have an unbelievable amount of family and community support-- people who not only watch Max but also really care for him. Yet, leaving him in the early morning on the start of the race left my heart beside itself with sadness and guilt.

“We are going to be just fine. Go have fun,” said my sister-in-law Tammy. “I know, and I will,” I said back even though I was not sure of the fun part.

PHOTOS

Top: GODZone Start Line

Bottom: Team Bend Racing FEAR Society at start line, from left to right: Andy Magness, Chelsey Magness, Jason Magness, and Adrian Braaskma

At the start line, the mama guilt and nerves were still running strong until my regular racing teammate Daniel (who was racing on another team for this race) tapped me on the shoulder and pointed up to the sky.

There was a small rainbow right above us. At that moment, I released some much needed pressure and began to weep. I knew it was a sign for me to go spend some time with Spirit.

“Hey there Spirit B, I’m coming” I whispered.

Moments later the gun went off and our foursome, along with 390 other racers, sprinted down main street Te Anau. Minutes later we had inflated our packrafts and headed across the lake.

I cried for that entire run, but as soon as we started paddling, I was in it.

PHOTO: Chelsey and Adrian paddling in Stage 1 on Day 1

For the next couple of days we raced hard and fast in the most remote and rugged areas of that region. And due to some good pacing and phenomenal navigation choices, we found ourselves battling it out with the top 5 teams.

As a team, we worked well together pushing one another, carrying each others packs, and working towards a common goal of getting to the next checkpoint as fast as we possibly could. We were having fun, nailing the navigation, and narrowly missing what could have been huge set backs.

It was refreshing and comforting to once again feel my competitive drive kick back in. I felt strong and couldn’t stop smiling for most of the race.

“I suppose this is where I need to be” I thought.

Jason and I were racing with his twin brother Andy and another strong Kiwi named Adrian. It took some getting used to having new teammates, but they were both amazing and so funny which kept things positive whenever we started to feel the fatigue.

I thought about Max many times, but deep down I felt that he was getting everything he needed. And while I missed him, I wasn’t ready to go home. I was having way to much fun racing and hanging out with Spirit B.

Spirit B kept me awake most nights out there. Often times since I am not navigating, my mind is dull and sleepy at night. I am in my own bubble of light following my team and trying to keep my eyelids from getting heavy.

But this time Spirit B would come to me, and we would have chats about why he left us, about how his brother Max was doing, about the stars, about how much he loves New Zealand, and all of the new places he’s seen.

One evening it was past dark. We had been lost for a few hours on the bike, and we all needed sleep-- badly. So I looked up and asked Spirit B to help us out.

A few minutes later, a truck came out of nowhere and drove up really slow with two white dogs perched on its hood. In my delirious and delusional state, I could have sworn the dogs were angel wings floating on top of this guy's car. He asked us if we needed help and pointed us in the right direction.

Within an hour we had found the check point and the best sleeping spot ever-- a sheep farmer’s a wool shed.

Spirit visited during the day, too. He would come visit me in the swaying leaves and in the reflection of the water when we were paddling.

He was always wiggling his tiny little butt and smiling at me.

As the days wore on, so did our bodies and minds.

PHOTO: The team leaving Transition Area 2, just before their 65 hour and 19 minute Stage 3.

On the second to last leg, Andy’s feet were not doing so hot, and we had not taken the amount of stops or rest that we had planned on. When we found out that we were in third place, we got way too excited and tried to hold on to that spot-- forfeiting feet and sleep for staying with the top pack.

Now that choice was creeping up to us, but it was too late.

He had full-on trench foot, with skin peeling off of his feet, making it nearly impossible to walk. It was the worst I’d ever seen, and I cannot imagine how he was able to go on. As a team, we decided not to drop out but to go through the night in order to get Andy down from the mountains and onto the final paddling stage as fast as possible.

PHOTO: Andy trekking before the trench foot fully set in.

However, that night, the sleep monsters attacked in full force.

As we were climbing up the side of a waterfall, each of us took turns entering another “world.” For the most part, at least one of us was with it enough to lead the rest of our zombie team, but by then both Adrian and Jason (our navigator and route finder) had lost their last shreds of sanity. It was time to sleep.

For two hours, we lay on huge moss-covered slanted boulders. I could not sleep a wink, and I went down a very dark rabbit hole.

Quite simply, I wanted to die.

I can’t quite describe it in words, but I woke Jason up (he was not happy about this at all) to tell him repeatedly that I was done living. As the first hint of twilight appeared and right before everyone woke, I snapped out of it. I whispered some words to Spirit B-- asking him to give all the strength that he had been giving me to his Uncle Andy instead.

At first light, we woke and regrouped. The night before had seen us all almost lose our minds. We all agreed that we could not do that again and that no matter what, we were getting Andy down the mountain that day.

“By tonight, we will be crossing that finish line,” said Adrian.

We all looked at each other a little wary. It was still a long way, and Andy’s feet had worsened while we slept.

“If you get down this mountain today,” I said to Andy, “I will play Dungeons and Dragons with you and the boys this Saturday.”

“Forget it,” he countered. “You’ll suck at D&D. But if I get down this mountain, then you’ll LARP with the boys on Saturday!”

LARPing (Live Action Role Playing) basically amounts to bashing each other with padded swords until someone-- likely me-- gets hurt.

“Deal” I said.

That day we came back together as a team. We were no longer really racing, but instead we all had a common goal of getting Andy down.

We stopped when he needed breaks, Jason gave him tips on how to deal with pain that intense, and we kept him on a high dosage of ibuprofen and constant hydration. His speed and ability to move under that amount of pain was beyond impressive, and Adrian and Jason’s combined effort at finding us the best route down was life saving. We were down the mountain by 430PM that day, and I don’t think I have ever seen Andy so happy to not have to walk any more steps.

At the transition area, we found out that there was a dark zone that night, and that we had to be off the water by 9PM. With some disappointment, we got into the boats and started to paddle towards home.

PHOTO: Chelsey and Adrian kayaking into the finish line on Day 7.

At 9PM, just 15 kilometers from the finish line, we found a beach and crawled out of our boats. We stayed up until 12 pm, sitting around a fire, drying out our clothes, eating all of our food and talking. As much as we all wanted to finish that night (especially Andy), we all agreed that it was actually an amazing way to end a race.

Before the flood of families and friends, it was nice to be able to talk through the race with each other and have a quiet peaceful close to our time together. And most of all, I relished one more night with Spirit on the breeze and stars bright in the sky. It was magical despite Andy’s misery.

The next morning at 630AM sharp, we were on the water ready to go. On the paddle home, I looked up and saw a faint rainbow in the sky-- much like the one that I saw at the very beginning of the race.

“Thank you Spirit B, I had a wonderful time with you.”

PHOTOS: The team crossing the finish line with Adrian carrying Andy on his back due to Andy's severe trench foot.

By 845AM, we were at the finish line. We had to carry Andy across the finish line, which created a very emotional finish. I broke down and started to weep when I saw Max. Tammy (who was holding Max) was also crying at the sight of her husband not being able to walk.

We all held each other for a long time.

When we were done, I took Max into my wet, dirty arms. “It’s Mama.” I said “Do you remember me?”

He looked at me with his deep wells of eyes that seemed to be saying, “Silly Mama. Of course I do!”

Chelsey Magness and Baby Max Reunited After 7-Day Race

PHOTO: Chelsey and Max reunite at the finish line.

The team finished in 7th place in 7 days, 0 hours, and 51 minutes. Get the details on their journey, including their stage times, transition times, team goal, and more here. Want to see our finish line video and more photos? Find them below.

Chelsey's journey through pregnancy, tragedy, and slowly finding her way back is beautifully chronicled at Endurancemama.com.

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